Beer Troubleshooting Guide

Not sure who to give credit to for this as it was forwarded to me via email….EMAIL, people?!


In any case, I was amused so here you go…





Feet cold and wet Glass Being held at incorrect angle. Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling
Feet warm and wet Improper Bladder Control Stand next to nearest dog, complain about lack of house training
Beer unusually pale and tasteless

a. Glass empty.

b. You’re holding a Coors Lite

Get someone to buy you another beer
Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights You have fallen over backward. Have yourself leashed to bar
Mouth contains cigarette butts, back of head covered with ashes You have fallen forward See above
Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet

a. Mouth not open

b. Glass applied to wrong part of face

Retire to restroom, practice in mirror
Floor Blurred You are looking through bottom of empty glass Get someone to buy you another beer
Floor moving You are being carried out Find out if you are being taken to another bar
Room seems unusually dark Bar has closed Confirm home address with bartender.  If staff is gone, grab a six-pack to go and hit the nearest fire escape door.  Run
Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations Cover mouth, open window, stick head outside
Everyone looks up to you and smiles You are dancing on the table Fall on someone cushy-looking
Beer is crystal-clear It’s water! Somebody is trying to sober you up Punch him
People are standing around urinals, talking or putting on makeup You’re in the ladies’ room Do not use urinal!  Excuse yourself, exit and try the next door down the hall. Try to get phone numbers (optional)
Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear You have been in a fight Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them
Don’t recognize anyone, don’t recognize the room you’re in You’ve wandered into the wrong party See if they have free beer
Your bedroom is painted gray, has a concrete floor and an interesting steel door.  Toilet may be conveniently located next to your bunk

a. You’re in jail

b. You’re in the navy

Sleep it off, you can always get out tomorrow.  Don’t talk to your new roommate, and under no circumstances sleep on your stomach
You are dancing to a Village People song, and your partner is wearing leather chaps You’re in a gay bar Keeping your back to the wall, edge toward nearest exit.  Do not accept offers for backrubs
Your singing sounds distorted The beer is too weak Have more beer until your voice improves
Don’t remember the words to the song Beer is just right Play air guitar

SF Beer Week: Lost Abbey/Port Brewing at City Beer Store

It’s still SF Beer Week! Woo hoo. Last night we decided to check out City Beer Store for Meet The Brewer: Lost Abbey and Port Brewing. Seeing as I’m a huge fan of the beers they make (their Angel’s Share is one of the beers that made me truly fall in love with beer) and I knew it would be a great setting to drink some of their beers and meet the legend that is Tomme Arthur.

I arrived early in hopes of getting a seat (score!) as well as getting a chance to catch up with my friends, Neha and Nishant (pictured below with Andrei). They couldn’t stay for the event but we shared a bottle of Lost Abbey’s Gift of the Magi, in honor of the event.

By the time six o’clock rolled around, the place was getting busy. All the taps had been switched to Lost Abbey or Port Brewing beers (listed above in the picture up top) and we were making our way through them. All of them were delicious, and it was a treat to have some of the ones I’d had in the bottle, on tap. I’d say the favorite for me was still Angel’s Share, although the Cuvee de Tomme was a wonderful treat as well (for you sour lovers, this beer is for you!) After a couple beers, I plucked up the courage to go talk to Tomme and Matt from the brewery. They were very gracious and I had really great conversations with both of them (hopefully without coming across as too much of a fan girl, LoL).

Matt, PintMuse, Tomme

By about 7:30 the event was buzzing and City Beer was at capacity for a bit (see below).

The crowd

I went to check the line outside for a friend and I think I got this poor guy’s hopes up….I had to break it to him that I wasn’t leaving, but he understood (and arrived inside shortly thereafter!)

Sad bunneh

I have to say, Craig and Beth did an amazing job of getting people their beers in a timely and courteous fashion. You’d think they’d be flustered, just being the two of them, but they always looked calm and happy to serve. I took this picture of them below and it’s a bit blurry (I think all the double digit ABVs were getting to me at this point)

Craig and Beth: The amazing duo behind City Beer Store

Throughout the evening I had a chance to speak to many people, including Nate from Healthy Spirits (pictured below on the left).  If you haven’t been to their store in San Francisco, go now! They’ve got an amazing selection of beers and I love them specifically because they are within walking distance of where I live.

Patrons of the event, including Nate (on left) from Healthy Spirits

Overall the evening was probably my favorite of the week so far. It was well organized, with great beer and people. Congrats to City Beer for putting it together and pulling off such a great event!